The funniest sci-fi romp featuring drunk space ninjas and anthropomorphic musk oxen that you'll read all year!
TRUSTED GLYPTODIAN BARKEEP AT CYBORG JOE'S
Full Name: Earl
Planet of Origin: Glyptodia
Occupation: Bartender (and a damn good one!)
Awards/Accomplishments: Bartender of the Year (4 times), Keltian Times; Honorable Mention - Best Advice, Cosmic Barkeeper's Monthly; "Sage of the Sauce" Lifetime Achievement Award, The Cyborg Joe's Grill N' Go & Why Not Saloon Hall of Fame
Weapon of Choice: A stiff drink
They Said It: "Can I be of any assistance as it relates to your alcohol consumption or culinary desires?”
For those that have been to Cyborg Joe's Grill N' Go and Why Not Saloon on the planet Kelt, Earl is a beacon of class; a trusted and steady hand behind the bar despite skewing a bit formal. His shaggy hair, once brown, has greyed over time as he has reached his mature years though apron and his shell are always in pristine condition (a trait he takes great pride in).
Earl left his homeworld, Glyptodia, as a young adult. The Glyptodians, as a race, are universally renowned for their expertise in all things alcohol—from brewing and distilling to tending bar—though most don’t actually drink. Due to the planet’s optimal climate (for most species in that sector of the galaxy) and picturesque scenery, there is a high volume of vacationers and honeymooners that have kept the booze-related industries flourishing. Earl is a fairly typical Glyptodian with one small exception—his insatiable urge to leave his home world and see the universe (a relative sin for a Glyptodian). Since so many diverse cultures visit Glyptodia, the belief of the natives is that “there is no reason to see the universe when the universe comes to you”. After leaving Glyptodia, he bounced around from system to system acting as a bar keep-for-hire; his calm demeanor, sage-like advice, and the fact that he didn't rob his employers at the first opportunity always kept him employed and in-demand. After a stint working at Mr. Drunky's All-Night Alcohol Emporium, Earl stumbled upon Cyborg Joe's. Joe appreciated his consistent performance bartending (though he pours stiff on many occasions) and the open-minded, thoughtful wisdom he bestows upon those patrons that seek out such guidance—and offered him a full-time gig. Earl refers to the bar as his “home” and that his nomadic bartending days are finally over.
His drink of choice is coffee—black (really black, as in undrinkable, “barely qualifying as a liquid” black).